March 31, 2004

My Birthday

Thanks to all who sent Happy Birthday wishes (Zam, Suzy, Michele, PDawg, Natalie, Nefarious, Erin, Pete, and Ash). It was a very, very nice birthday! We went out for dinner at an Italian place that serves homemade pasta. I go there every year for my B-day. It's my special B-day restaurant. Anyone else got one of those?

My sister and her family gave me a Jamba Juice card, so I can get my fix every morning. My mom picked out really cute pair of maternity bib overall shorts. She's not very good at picking clothes for us, so it's always kinda nervewracking when you see the clothes box shaped gift. She did great this year, tho!! I love them!! My husband gave me a brake job and oil change. We had discussed it earlier and I just have anything I really wanted, so told him that going out for dinner with my family was enough. Then day before yesterday, I heard that funny sound...you know, the one that used to strike fear into my heart because I was too broke to pay for new brakes. I'm not too broke now, but I immediately called my husband and said, "Good news, honey, I know what you can get me for my birthday!". We're cracking up cuz last year he built me a brand new kick ass gaming computer and this year I got a brake job. Oh yeah, and he made another batch of Ghiradelli brownies and got some chocolate ice cream to go with. mmmmmm, good.

All in all it was a very nice birthday, but today's news was all I needed to feel like the luckiest woman in the world. :)

Posted by The Procrastinatrix at 11:28 PM

Tears of Relief

The Genetic Counselor called a little bit ago to give us good news. The slightly abnormal Amnio results we got really are nothing to worry about. It turns out that the Rock Star has exactly the same chromosome #15. So instead of this being a family tragedy, it'll be a family joke. Throughout his life we can wonder if our son got his propensity to keep arguing even after the other person has given in from my husband, or maybe it'll be the insubordinate streak, or how about the uncontrollable desire to stick his finger in someone's mouth when they yawn in his presence? I've been so worried, and it turns out that I'm getting my wish that our child will be more like his father than me. Of course, it also means that it's the Rock Star's fault that I've been worried sick all week. I'll have to think of some ways he can make it up to me. I'm open to suggestions...

Posted by The Procrastinatrix at 11:27 PM

March 30, 2004

Happy Birthday to ME!!!!

I'm 41 years old today!!! My dad called first thing this morning to say he's loved me for 41 years and 9 months. My husband woke me up with birthday snuggles and smooches. It's been a lovely day so far and it's only 9:30 am...

Posted by The Procrastinatrix at 09:40 AM

March 29, 2004

Cruddy Monday

So I'm having kind of a crappy day. I am trying to not worry about those slightly abnormal amnio results. There won't be any news til Thursday, so it does no good to worry now. It's just hard not too. I called the Genetic Counselor with a few questions and missed her by about 5 minutes. I left her a voice mail, and she'll prolly call me back tomorrow and tell me not to worry and stay away from Google...Holy crap, you can find some scary shit out there. Most of the genetic stuff I found I can't understand cuz it's too technical, but what I do understand makes me think just how many bazillion things can go wrong with chromosomes.

I got a bunch of things done, and was trying to work on my taxes and my printer went wonky on me and I just couldn't stand it anymore, so I went to kitchen and dished up some vanilla ice cream with butterscotch and came back here to read a few blogs. The very first one I pulled up was this post from Michele at Coffeesoup. Funny coincidence, no?

Posted by The Procrastinatrix at 04:42 PM

Two Things

1. I'm in the process of moving off of Blogger and onto an MT site with my own domain name. It's gonna be sooooo cooooooool. I'm posting here for the time being, but I wanted to give y'all (read with fake southern accent) a heads up that it'll be happening soon, so you can get ready to change your links, blogrolls, rss feeds and whatever. Or drop me completely, it'll be up to you (please don't!!!!). I just have a couple more little details to work out.

2. Erin at Chix Mix is fundraising for the Avon Breast Cancer Walk. It's a good cause and I can personally guarantee a warm toasty feeling inside if you send her some money. Go here to donate directly, or better yet go here to read this very cool babe's blog and then donate. Either way, it's worth your while. Really how much is a while worth, anyhow?

Posted by The Procrastinatrix at 01:47 PM

March 27, 2004

What Year is This?

2004, right? I cannot believe that in this day and age of technological advances that are sending photos back from our landing on Mars, we have not yet invented a telephone cord that doesn't twist into tight fucking knots stretching across my desk and making it impossible to pick up the phone without bending my face right down to the fucking thing...gahhhhhhh!!!

Posted by The Procrastinatrix at 06:24 PM

Located!!

The Gates of Hell! I've found them. They are my big dog's ass. I don't even wanna think what the fuckin' hell is causing the noxious fumes to emanate from there, but it must have something to do with demonspawn and everlasting damnation. Hooooo eeeee!!!

Posted by The Procrastinatrix at 05:38 PM

WeeeeHaaaa!!

I got a coupon in the mail today for a free Jamba Juice Smoothie!!! Yippee!!! It's Mango Mantra for me today!!!

Posted by The Procrastinatrix at 12:05 PM

March 26, 2004

This is the Calm after the Rant

So I spent half of last nite not being able to sleep, crying, and playing various scenarios out in my head. This was all very frustrating but did make for a good excuse to have a whole Chipotle burrito (with guacamole) for lunch and take a nap today. Bottom line is I feel better about things today.

First off I want to say that the basic conflict in this scenario comes from how much we LOVE the midwives in this practice. Otherwise, I'd say fuck it and I'd be shopping for a midwife group that practices in a facility that can promise what I want. The HCMC Midwife unit was established over 30 years ago and is one of the most well respected Midwife units in the country. Each of them has been friendly, approachable, responsive, informative, caring, thoughtful and a whole bunch of other good adjectives. We have enjoyed every single interaction with them. We feel like we are in good hands with these women. Their philosophies match ours exactly. They understand and support my interest in natural childbirth.

In the hospital where they practice they have a beautiful Nurse Midwife unit with large rooms, and tubs and showers. A Midwife unit nurse is assigned to a laboring mother and only that mother...one to one. The Midwives themselves may have to go around and be helping a few mothers at a time, but they try to staff so that all laboring women get all the attention and help they need. The problem comes in when there aren't any or enough women laboring in the Midwife unit to justify keeping it open and staffed 24 hours a day. OR there are too many and the Midwife unit doesn't have enough rooms. Obviously, no one can say whether this will happen when I go into labor. If it does I get sent over to Labor and Delivery, a different unit of the hospital, even though it's only about 60 feet away. That is a whole different staff, procedure, policy, etc. I have been promised that as a Midwife patient, even if I get shunted over to L&D, I still have a Midwife managed birth.

While we were at the hospital having blood drawn yesterday, we had a very nice visit with a Midwife we hadn't met yet, Kayde, and then decided to ask someone to show us around the L&D unit, in case we got sent over there when the time came. We'd already toured the Midwife unit last week when we were there for the Ultrasound and Amnio. So this L&D nurse was showing us around and even though she knew I was a Midwife unit patient, was telling me that this, that and the other thing are the "way things are done over here", no matter what the Midwives have told us. We get the feeling there is some political friction between the two units. I wasn't going to argue with her, but I came away from the whole thing really upset. I spent the night upset, sleepless and crying.

I called the Midwives first thing this morning for clarifications and spoke with one that we'd met before. She assured me that I can decline the monitor if I want to and that they as Midwives would be there to advise me whether or not I would want to do that, based on the situation at hand. She agreed that mobility was important and that they agree with and support my views. She'd put a note in my chart about that so whoever was working with me would know my wishes. Regarding the time immediately following birth, she told me that even in the Midwife unit, a medical professional stays with you and the baby, but that they are staffed specially for that. There is sound, medical reasoning behind having a professional monitoring the baby during this transition phase, and I'm ok with someone being in the room with us. She said that even if the baby has to go to the nursery because of staffing problems, the father can go with him. I pointed out that's all well and good, but what do I do after I carry this baby carefully and healthfully for 9 months, then labor and deliver him safely...Do I just sit there all alone? No son, no husband? She understood and agreed, just tried to explain that sometimes it's necessary. I asked can I go with them to the nursery then? She said yes, I could, if I was stable. I informed her if I had a breath in my body, I'd crawl across the floor if I had, too. She was very understanding and said she knows how it is when that mothering instinct kicks in. I told her how it kicked in last night as I was thinking I could hit any one who tried to take him from me. I laid there last night and could not believe how powerful the feeling was. It was the first time I'd felt like this and it was quite shocking. But not in a bad way, unless I get arrested, of course ;). Anyhow, she said she'd make notes in my chart again and my wishes would be known, and everything that could be done, would be done, to respect them. I appreciated the frank and friendly way we talked. That's the thing about these midwives. They really are wonderful! We said good bye and I felt better, but not great.

Spoke with my sister a bit and she joked with me about how she knew for sure she didn't want to be the one who would try to cross me at moments like that. Apparently, I can be kind of scary. Fine. Whatever. ;)

I didn't expect another call from the midwives. They had heard my concerns and given me answers, and could very well have crossed me off the to-do list, but my phone rang and it was Kayde, the Midwife we met yesterday. She had heard that I'd called and been very upset, and was very worried that she'd said something to offend me. I explained that no, not her, we really enjoyed meeting her. I'd gone and met a L&D nurse and that was who upset me. She was relieved, and then spent some time addressing my concerns again. She said something that made me feel 100% better, even though I didn't know it was what I wanted and needed to hear. She listened to all I had to say, she said that they support my ideas and that they would just have to be my advocates if it came down to using L&D. I can't tell you how much I appreciated hearing that my ideas are supported, I'm not crazy, and that my husband and I would not have to spend our precious energy fighting the system for what we need. The midwives will give us advice we trust and when we make decisions we'll be able to feel good about them and most importantly the Midwives will advocate for us with the L&D staff if needed. Hearing this put my fears to rest. I feel so much better now and I'm willing to go forward, still trying to adjust my expectations to the situation at hand, but knowing that I don't have to accept every single hospital policy at face value. I have some power in this situation and I have advocates who will help me when I need it. I feel safer now.

And my husband made me Ghiradelli Brownies last night. I'll be using the chocolate therapy again tonite.

Posted by The Procrastinatrix at 09:45 PM

March 25, 2004

This Is A Rant

I'm upset and I wanted to put this in my journal. It's a rant and it's not very pleasant and it's not very well written or edited. I imagine the jokester Procrastinatrix will return soon...

Something has been bugging me and it came to a head today. The midwife practice I'm using (and love) is based in a hospital. The midwives have their own unit just down the hall from labor and delivery area (where the Doctors deliver babies). Sometimes, no one can tell me how often, there aren't enuf women delivering in the midwife unit and they close it down for the evening. Then you have to go to labor and delivery. The policies, procedures, practices and philosophies are radically different there than in the midwife unit. In the midwife unit (MU) the rooms are large so I can move around in labor, something that sounds natural and comfortable to me. In L&D smaller rooms, but still room to move. In MU there are tubs and showers in the private rooms. In L&D only showers, but still private rooms. Those things I can live with and compromise on. The following are really problematic for me: In MU I won't be strapped to a monitor during any phase of labor/delivery unless there is some reason to think the baby is in distress. In L&D I have to be on the monitor when I first arrive, then during the second phase of labor. This means laying in the bed. Laying in the bed means NO mobility, which may mean labor will slow or stop, leading to pitocin to stimulate labor, which makes contractions harder and more painful, and laying down in general makes contractions harder to endure. The L&D way virtually assures I'll end up needing drugs or an epidural at some point. Pitocin and epidural actually increase the likelihood that a C-section will be necessary. The whole L&D approach virtually forces me down paths I don't want to go, unless there is some medically sound reason. The reason they make you stay on the monitor is that there aren't enough nurses to attend and they want to be able to watch everyone's progress and the baby from the nurse's stand. In MU the baby will stay with me constantly unless there is some medical reason for him to need to go to the nursery. In L&D they won't leave you alone with your baby for the first two hours, so unless they are well staffed enough that some medical person can sit in the room with you they take the baby away and put him in the nursery. I think it's positively barbaric that for some ridiculous NON-MEDICALLY necessary policy they would separate me from my baby for the first several hours of his life. I want that precious, wonderful time for my husband, my baby, and myself to be together and I don't want some nurse sitting there making us uncomfortable. It is idiotic for them to tell me it's better for him to be in a warming bed ALONE in the nursery, than with his father and I. After carrying him for all those months, laboring and delivering him, they'll take him away for no fucking good reason, and that is a total deal breaker for me. I don't know what to do about it. The way I see it, in order to have my baby in a hospital, I may be forced to submit to these horrid, wrong-headed policies for the first precious days of my baby's life outside my body. I don't think I can stand it!

I've never had a baby myself, but I was with my sister for both of her labors, 24 and 23 hours respectively. I've seen the epidural, pitocin, medical approach and I hated it. It's a major factor in why I didn't want to have a baby all these years. That was 16 years ago. I can't believe the maternity world is not more advanced now.

I'm not stupid. I'm not uninformed. I'm not rash. I'm a thinking woman who wants to give birth. Give birth as in labor and then deliver my baby. My body was made for this. I want it to do what I know it knows how to do. Why is that so fucking difficult to do in this fucked up day and age. It is just driving me nuts that I may have to fight to keep my baby in my arms, or give up the safety and security of the hospital, just for some basic birthing rights. How the fucking hell does one go about finding a safe, comfortable place to give birth in the way that feels right to them, without giving up all rights to my body and my baby's?

Posted by The Procrastinatrix at 10:02 PM

Amniocentesis Results

I got the call back from the genetic counselor regarding the amniocentesis results a little while ago. The good news is that there is no indication of Downs Syndrome, Klinefelter's or Trisomy 18, the three major chromosomal anomalies that amnio looks for. A big relief. The amnio also confirms genetically that this is a boy. Not that he left us any doubt in the ultrasound pictures.

The not totally good news (as opposed to bad) is that Chromosome #15 shows a larger area on the tip than is normally seen. The counselor says this is a normal variant and that the enlarged tip does not contain any genes (apparently the genes are contained in other parts of chromosome 15). She says not to worry. Yeah, right. Well, I'm trying not too, but I must confess to being concerned. What we have to do is go in and have blood drawn (both of us) today, and they will grow a set of our chromosomes and see if either of us passed it on to him. If yes, that would be good, since both of us are fine (matter of opinion, I know). The results will be in by Thursday or Friday of next week. I'm disappointed to have to wait another week for results. I was so hoping we'd get perfectly normal results from the Amnio and be done with this...Guess not. I'll try not to worry, I know it does no good, but trying not to worry is like trying not to breathe sometimes. I can't help it. I guess I remain optimistic, but not as optimistic as I was.

Posted by The Procrastinatrix at 01:08 PM

March 24, 2004

Home Birth

Suzy asked a very good question in my comments. Given my control freak nature (my words, not hers), had I considered giving birth at home? Actually, I have, but decided against it for a couple reasons. Firstly, no matter how natural I want to be, I know it will be comforting to have medical intervention at hand should the need arise. But the biggest reason we ruled out home birth is fear of dust bunnies!!! With all the dog hair in this house (and, let's face it shall we, my not so hot housekeeping skills), I can totally imagine the beautiful, touching moment as the baby is born, all wet and perfect, and we are meeting him for the first time, marveling at his beauty when a big ole dust bunny skuttles over and jumps right on him. Yup, that's right. Whatever reservations I have about hospital policies shaping our birth experience, I'm sooooooo much more afraid of the feral herds of dust bunnies that roam this old house!!!

Posted by The Procrastinatrix at 08:32 PM