Gosh, I wish I were in the mood to think of better titles. oh well...
* Big's regular vet agrees that the ultrasound testing is the next logical step in the diagnosis process, so I made the appointment. They wanted me to drop her off at 8:00 am tomorrow morning, and I said no problem, but I'm staying with her. With the low platelet count, she may very well hemorrhage during the biopsy, and I want to be there. She would be very scared to be left alone and even if I have to be out in the waiting room, at least she knows I'm there. If it goes badly, I'll be right there. If my dog is gonna die, then I want to be with her. Can't fucking stop crying. My eyes are feel like stingy marbles in my head. She hasn't eaten anything since I can't remember when and she pukes up stomach acid. I'm very afraid she'll choke on it while she's laying down.
* Inspection went very well today, the guy was 20 minutes early, took one quick look around, asked a few questions, answered a few, signed a form and took off. He was gone before his visit was scheduled to even start. A huge relief to the Rock Star, and would be to me if I could think about anything but my girl.
* The new p*et s*itter is starting to settle in to her route. I think she's gonna be fine. If only her car holds out. Must have reliable car in this biz.
* Baby is sitting smack on my bladder and I feel like I'm gonna pee ALL the time. It's very disconcerting, and lends a sense of urgency to every moment.
My plan for the evening is to take a shower and wash a load of clothes, then sit with Big and love on her. She loves to lay across my lap while I watch tv, so I'll put a movie and see if she's interested. She's so hot, though she may not wanna.
I'm just gonna bullet point a few updates to my life. No time or energy to write much more.
Since my last entry:
* We had 7 dogs besides our own boarding in the house (my job) for the weekend. We're finally down to just 1 besides our own.
* One of them peed on our new bed. We can unzip and remove the pillow top,though, so were able to clean it thoroughly and put it back on. Still sucks, cuz that bed was expensive and we were trying to keep them all away from it.
* I left a key hanging in a client's door and spent a frantic time looking all for it, before I finally thought to drive back there and find it. Very bad thing to do. Very bad.
* I fell down the bottom three stairs of the basement. Had gone all the way to bottom, walked back up 3 stairs, turned around to go back down for something I forgot, thought I was on bottom stair and next thing I know I'm laying on my back with an elbow in the cat food dish, hollering for my husband to come help me. I twisted around and did not bump my abdomen at all, but I skinned my knee and twisted my back and arm. Baby is fine. Whew. What a dumb fucking thing to do.
* Finally took Big to emergency vet, where there was nothing they could do for her, except tell me she wasn't going to die immediately from lack of nutrition. Dehydration is the bigger concern, and since one of the main symptoms of whatever is wrong with her is excessive drinking, I should just take her home, keep her comfortable and bring her back for the already scheduled appointment on Tuesday morning. ($230)
* the Rock Star needed to be working on getting house plans, and getting stuff ready to go to the permit office, but was unable to do much besides support me all weekend. He was stressed by not getting much done.
That was all Sunday. Monday was reasonably uneventful, except that we still couldn't get Big to eat and she was even weaker from the trip to the emergency vet. She gets very stressed in those situations and it uses up her energy. I also had several Braxton Hicks contractions accompanied by a scary crampy feeling in my lower abdomen. It turned out to be from my left leg being twisted in the fall. A long nap and relaxing my leg made it go away and I haven't felt it since. Midwives were confidant that everything is okay with the baby.
Tuesday:
* I took Big in for her appointment. $500 worth of diagnostics to find out we need to do more diagnostics. Basically, they think it's Cushing's Disease caused by something else. Probably a major problem with her liver. In her bloodwork her platelet count is very, very low and xrays showed an enlarged liver. There's a lot more to it than that, but I'm too tired to write it all out. My plan is to talk all this over with her regular vet tomorrow, then call the University (where she is getting all this testing) and probly schedule the further diagnostics (definately an ultrasound, probable liver biopsy or aspiration, test for Cushing's) totalling another $700 for Thursday. All this to probably find out she has cancer in her liver (most likely thing wrong with her liver) which may or may not be treatable.
* Completely forgot to go to my Prenatal appointment at 4:15. Didn't remember til 5:10 and then the office phone was closed so I couldn't call them. They called me at 5:20 and had been very worried, because I always call them if I'll be delayed or anything. Rescheduled for next week. Feel like crap for missing the appointment and worrying them.
* Got a client calling all pissed off because the new p*et s*itter fed her dogs 4 hours earlier than she was supposed to. Geez. That client is gonna be really surprised when instead of apologizing profusely, as I usually do in the name of customer service, I'm gonna tell her she needs to lighten up and if she can find another p*et s*itter who doesn't charge more than me and will be on an oncall basis, and put up with all her picky crap, well, then she's welcome to just go right ahead. I did some numbers and figured out my profit on that woman was around $300 last year, and stands to be around $230 this year. She can kiss my fucking ass. I don't need that kind of crap.
* Permit office visit for the Rock Star did not go as smoothly as we hoped and we have to have an inspection tomorrow to find out if we can turn our house into a single family dwelling. Of course we can, but the fucking City of Minneapolis will squeeze every drop of permit money out of us they can and add in inspection delays to an already tight remodeling schedule, to the point where we'll be lucky if our baby isn't crawling in fucking sawdust on his first fucking birthday. Fuckers.
There's a funny pic in the extended entry. About a month old, so not the latest belly pic. I'm going to get a big bowl of chocolate ice cream. Medicinal purposes, you understand...
Click to embiggen. If you dare.
Not yet. Nope not even close. There's a lot going on, but the only thing on my mind is my dog, Big. She is still very sick and we still don't know what's wrong with her. I'm trying to decide if a trip to the emergency vet is warranted today, or just wait for the appointment we have on Tuesday morning. She is getting weaker and weaker and still won't eat anything. Or much. Yesterday she ate 1 cup of dog food and 1 1/2 hot dogs. For a huge dog like this that is practically nothing. Day before yesterday, she ate nothing at all. I've tried enticing her with everything I can think of. I don't know if her weakness is from lack of nutrition, or from whatever is making her sick. I don't know if the emergency vets, or even the regular vets will be able to help us. I don't know a goddamn thing and I am so worried over her, I can't stop crying sometimes. This is a very gray place. Not knowing what to do and wondering if my lack of action is killing her, or if acting would cost a lot of money and yield no results...
This dog is so special to me, I can't find words to express how I love her. I'm not ready to lose her yet. and I'm so afraid that I will.
Remember when I said the baby felt like he was mashed down in my lower abdomen like feather pillow, and I said I needed to fluff him up every once in a while? Well, I was at a pre-natal visit (this past Tuesday), and they asked me if I was having any contractions. I said no, but I wouldn't even know what they feel like. The midwife described it as a tightening across my lower belly, and I said, "Oh, that happens lots"...whoops. All this time, I guess I've been having 0-5 Braxton-Hicks contractions every day and didn't even know it. Today I had one as I wrassled two Pit Bull puppies and 3 Miniature Dachshunds back into their crates. Good times.
Lots of stress around here lately. The house is torn up for remodeling, Big is sick and I can't get her to eat enough so that she can keep her medicine down and she's losing weight (I'm really, really worried about her), I found a new pet sitter and now I have to train her in and introduce her to all the clients (an extremely time consuming and tiring process), I'm two and a half weeks behind on the latest set of invoices (this means my cash flow is stopped) and no time in the near future to work on them, I've got a crick in my neck and can't turn to the right (makes pulling out of an intersection a real adventure, let me say). On the other hand, my husband is a saint and we love each other very much. I wouldn't want to go through all this shit with anyone else but him. We don't fight when things get stressful. We just look at each other and say "It's all gonna be alright, just hang in there." over and over. And it will be, I know. Just hard to see right now.
Athena
?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
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I only watched a little of the Ronald Reagan funeral on tv yesterday. I wasn't a fan of his or his policies. But that's not the point.
The little I did watch included a moment that I understood and it moved me deeply. It brought home a point that I've been thinking for quite a long time now. It's about how much more we have in common, than we differ from each other. Whatever our political leanings, philosophical views, country of origin or gender, we as humans have very much in common. Each of us as humans feels, thinks, loves, hurts, fears, desires, and dreams. We love our children, our mates, our pets. We set goals for ourselves, we work, we plan our futures, we reminisce about our pasts. We have flaws and we have fine qualities. We laugh, we cry. We identify ourselves as individuals and as part of the whole big complicated/simple, beautiful/ugly, neat/messy picture of human culture.
The part of the funeral I watched included this moment:
That's Nancy Reagan standing over the casket of the man she was devoted and married to for many years. She loved him and she cared for him. She supported him and believed in him. This picture shows the moments before she is to be physically parted from him forever. All she has left of him at this moment is his body in this casket. She has only moment or two to finally say goodbye, then walk away to carry on the rest of her life as well as she can alone.
At that moment all that we, she and I, have in common was starkly clear to me. I remembered in February of 1995, standing in a freezing cold graveyard, bent over the casket of the man I loved and was devoted to. One I supported and believed in. One who I was about to be physically parted from forever. All I had left of him at that moment was about to taken from me. I had only a moment or two more to finally say goodbye, then I had to walk away and carry on my life as well as I could alone.
Mrs. Reagan had her children to support her, I had my father. It was a moment in my life where I understood fully how fragile and precious life really is. Not in any kind corny, sentimental, hallmark card sort of way. Oh, no. It was an understanding that came from my bones, from my soul. Truly understanding that people die and they're gone forever, is a heart and gut-wrenching, not to be with-stood pain. The time we had together was over. Memories were all that were left and they hurt. What was once a happy future was gone, and I felt like I was standing in the nuked out rubble of my life. There was no peace, no comfort, no joy as far as my heart could tell. It was 5 solid years before I emerged from my grief to seek these things and now I'm blessed beyond my wildest dreams. At that moment all I knew was hopelessness.
I could probly write a big fat book about the differences between Mrs. Reagan and me, but none of the differences mattered during that one moment I witnessed last night. All I could see was the commonality and my heart went out to her.
Do me a favor? Find someone you love and hug them. Then think of someone you don't love and acknowledge them as a human being who is much more like you than you think. Do it as often as you can. Find commonality.
Peace, friends.
I found the following on the Moveon.org site. While I think the movie is valuable only for entertainment (I love watching stuff get destroyed) the message of protecting our environment is important to me. If it's important to you please consider clicking the link and signing the petition. Thanks. :)
"Dear friend,
Maybe you've heard about the new movie, "The Day After Tomorrow." The movie, which tells the story of a devastating climate crisis, is more science fiction than science fact. Yet the danger it represents is very real. We've got to take action now to prevent a climate crisis.
Fortunately, there is something we can do about it. The McCain-Leadership Climate Stewardship Act would be a big step in the right direction, creating national caps on the greenhouse gas emissions that cause global warming.
Join me in calling on Congress and President Bush to enact this bill now, at:
http://www.climatecrisis.org/
We can't afford to wait until the day after tomorrow.
Thank you."
Mark Morford captures my thoughts flawlessly. This time he takes aim at a truly nasty ad campaign and marketing in general. Good read.
The new bed got here yesterday!!! We put it together last night and it is HUGE!!! I'm not really used to it yet, but I'm sure I'll like it as much as our old one. For the Rock Star it's great. He never really fit on the old full size bed, feet hanging over and all that. When I got up this morning and came back and saw him contentedly stretched out and there was still a ton of space left, I knew that the money was well spent. Plus it's fun to play with the sleep numbers. heh!
Day before yesterday I got my first spam comment!!! WooHoo!!! I've finally arrived!!! Then I got another one yesterday! Both for Penis Enlargement!! Oh, yeah, great, that's just what the hell we need around here... sheesh!!!
I'll be done paying for my business as of November this year. That's $1200 per month that will be staying in my pocket. It all depends on two things, though. One is that business keeps up at generally the same rate that it has been, and the second is that I have enough pet-sitters to do the actual work. For the last couple of years I've had four pet-sitters working full and part time and always had someone on hand to cover any new business that came in. Now two of my people are quitting (one is done after this week, the other after next week), and another I need to get rid of cuz I can't stand her shitty attitude anymore. This'd all be alright if I had someone to replace these people. I have a full-time dog-walking route that will be open soon and if I don't find someone to take it, I'll most likely lose all those clients. That would be disastrous to my business. Disastrous. On top of it all, I got two calls this morning for new clients looking for 2- 3 times per week walkies. I haven't gotten any calls for new walkies in weeks, and now that I don't have anyone to cover the new business, I may not be able to accomodate them. Oh, and the house is torn up, and I'm 7 months pregnant, and did I mention I'm FREAKING OUT!!! If anyone is looking for me I'll be curled up with my hands over my head in our deepest closet hiding from it all...
We went to the new Harry Potter movie last nite. I was so excited I almost peed myself. No wait, that may have been the baby pressing on my bladder, but anyhow. I was skipping gleefully all the way into the theater from excitement!!! I really loved it. Just like the books, this movie was darker and more mature. The kids are all cute as they can be and I laughed maniacially when Aunt Marge got blown up!!! BuckBeak was the coolest and I could barely recognize Gary Oldman as Sirius Black, which was good, cuz I was afraid he'd remind me of the evil character from the Fifth Element. The new Dumbledore is great!!!! Oh how I wish I wasn't a muggle!!! Anyhow, I love, love, loved it!!!! Can't wait for the DvD. I should rent those books on tape and listen to them all again. It'd be my 4th time reading them!!!
People bug the shit outta me, ya' know? What the fuck is up with people throwing their cigarette butts on the ground? That's littering people. Why don't I just come over to your house and leave pop cans on your lawn? Seriously? I don't get it. I truly have no problem with smoking. I think if you wanna smoke that's your choice, your responsibility. I'll take the steps necessary to avoid the second hand smoke. That's my responsibility. But stop throwing your fucking trash on the the ground. Don't be too goddamn lazy to walk your butts over to the nearest receptacle. It's sickening. I saw a woman in a cute little Mini Cooper (I love those cars) with peacenik bumperstickers on it, pull into the grocery store parking lot today, finish her cig, then drop the butt on the ground. I prolly shouldn't generalize, but you'd think someone against war would be against pollution, too. Gah!!! People bug the shit outta me, ya' know?
The destruction of the upstairs in our house proceeds apace. I truly thought I'd hate it and it would stress me out, but honestly, tearing out walls and stuff makes me see the possibilities our home really has. It's gonna be really cool!!!! Also, I'm glad I'm not the one doing all the work!! We have friends who do this stuff professionally, and they are working like dogs up there. the Rock Star likes tearing stuff out, too. He says he's happy about making the house nicer for his wife and new son. Isn't that sweet? It all gets me very excited about how beautiful our home will be in a few months. Of course, once the baby comes home all our plans will come together. I can hardly wait. I think I'll take a nap now to make the time go faster. (and because I stayed up too late last night) ;)
You ever sleep with one of those feather pillows that packs down? That's what my baby feels like lately. He packs down in my lower abdomen and I have to kind of fluff him back up. It's uncomfortable to say the least. He's either pressing on my bladder or my bowels at any given time, and I'm forever seeking the rest room.
Went to see Troy this weekend and it sucked. The handsomeness of Brad Pitt (who is usually a darn good actor, in addition to being good looking) does not make up for the crappy dialogue spoken in a british accent, fer pete's sake. Then we went to see Kill Bill 2, after having just watched Kill Bill 1 for the first time. Loved them both. That Quenten Tarantino is one odd duck, I gotta say, and boy am I glad. That's some good shit he puts out. The scene where Lucy Liu has taken over the Yakuza and is dining with the bosses was sooooo good, I played it over and over. Her soft, sweet speech ending with "I'll take your fuckin' head..." just cracked me up! Perfect. Uma rocks.
I'm a million miles behind on everything I need to do and feel tired all the time. I don't know how I'm gonna make it...
Weeeeeeeeeeeee!!
This is the first week of our third trimester of pregancy. I said to the Rock Star last night, "Welcome to the third trimester." He paused, and said, "Fasten your seat belts...".
WeeeeeHaaaaaa!!!!! It's a thrill ride from here on out. Our remodeling epic starts tomorrow. We own a big ole' house and the upstairs has been a rental unit for years now. The tenants will be out after today, and we are going to re-do a bunch of stuff, then move up there for when the baby comes. While we live up there, the downstairs (where we live now) will be worked on. At some point we will be living in the whole house.
I'm getting bigger every day and it is harder for me to roll over in bed these days. Not that I want to, once I finally find a comfortable position, I don't want to abandon it. I've tried out a friend's Snoogle pregnancy pillow and don't really like it at all. I bought one of those foam wedges to support my belly, and that helps sometimes. The big news though is: We bought a new bed!!!!! Our King Size Sleep Number bed arrives Friday or Monday (depending on UPS, those bastards) and I am sooooooo excited!!!! A much bigger bed (we sleep on full now) and adjustable support sounds like heaven to me right now!!! There'll be room for me, my belly, our kitty, and the Rock Star. Plus when the baby comes (we're planning on co-sleeping) there'll be plenty of room for the little guy, too!! It's possible I may never get out of bed again. Oh, wait, I s'pose I'll have to get out sometimes and make some money to help pay for all that luxury!
A petsitter on vacation this week, and next week is her last week. I'm desperately seeking a replacement... mucho business stress. But that's nothin' new. Must remember to call and see if my husband bought us a lottery ticket this week...
I'm a 40 year old woman who passes for 28 on a good day. I live in a house with my husband (the Rock Star), 2 dogs & 2 cats.
There are many more interesting tidbits about me, and when I get around to it I'll put them in here. I am...
the Procrastinatrix.
babymood:
the Porn Star is due days from now on 8/31/2004.
You can: email me, see a picture, Blogroll Me.
